In My Life
by shellbelle612
Summary: While celebrating their victory in "The Hand of God" Kara reflects on her past and the experiences and people that have brought her to this point in her life. Some Kara and Lee moments. Spoilers up to and including "The Hand of God".


**In My Life**

**Chapter One: A New Perspective**

"Apollo, you magnificent bastard! That was one hell of a piece of flying and I could not have done better myself." Starbuck moved as fast as her injured leg would allow, meeting the conquering hero as he came down the steps from his well worn viper, now bearing a few new scars. Cally slipped in ahead of her to give Apollo a quick hug and hand him a bottle of some of the last bubbly in the fleet. What the frack, they had precious little to celebrate since the Cylons returned. Who knew when they might have another excuse?

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you." Lee smiled as he forced the concession from her lips one more time.

"I said that I couldn't have done it better myself." For once the legendary Starbuck was willing to admit that perhaps she should share the title of best pilot in the fleet. That had been one hell of a stunt he had pulled off.

"Well thank you." He toasted this admission with a clink of their bottles and took a long drink, enjoying the high praise of his friend.

"I had my doubts," Kara admitted with some reluctance.

"So did I," He offered, in what appeared to be a moment of honesty. "I wasn't even sure that crazy ass plan of yours could even possibly work."

"Hum." Oh well, she should have known. Lee shook the bottle and sprayed them both with the fizzy drink. "You deserve this." Kara handed him her last cigar, the one his father had passed on to her after she had escaped the moon in the Cylon raider. He took it and in true Viper pilot style bit off the end and spit it on the deck. Show off. He pulled out a lighter she didn't recognize and fired up the stogie, savoring the moment.

Lee Adama, call sign 'Apollo', flashed her a winning smile and she couldn't help but laugh. His attention shifted and she watched him toss the lighter to someone behind her. The look on his face was priceless. Pride, confidence, and a bit of cockiness; a combination Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace hadn't seen on his face in all the years she had known him. She didn't even bother to turn to see who might be in need of a light. She was momentarily transfixed. The mixture of drink and sweat caught the light and made his skin glow and the firm set of his jaw created a striking profile. Kara had to admit one thing; he certainly did fit the part of the hero.

For a moment Kara forgot who she was staring at. He was no longer Lee, her best friend, Zak's brother. Here stood a man the equal of which she had never seen. Her breath caught a little as he turned again towards her, his blue eyes sparking with emotion. Captain Lee Adama had come into his own at last and bested her in the process. She had to admire that. Kara needed someone around here to challenge her. It was only right that it be Lee.

He laughed and Kara realized that she had been caught staring. She tried to brush it off with a shrug of her shoulders and a sarcastic smile as she backed off to allow the other pilots and deck crew the chance to congratulate him with slaps on the back and enthusiastic hand shakes. Kara noticed that a few of the female members of the team seemed to go through considerable effort to linger just a little longer in his presence. Some even followed Cally's lead in giving him a quick embrace. Starbuck watched it all from the sidelines, with a mixture of pride in her friend and a touch of annoyance as a few of his female admirers lingered a little longer than she cared for. Lee had never really been what you would call a lady's man. He had always been too focused on his studies and his career to give them the time or attention they required. He was so busy trying to prove himself worthy of the name 'Adama' that he lost sight of anything else. But that was a lifetime ago, before the Cylons. They were all different back then.

**Chapter Two: Faded Memories**

Kara remembered the first time she met Lee Adama. It was at the Fleet Academy hospital at the start of term. She, like the rest of the Academy pyramid team, had started training that summer in preparation for the fall season. As luck would have it, she was quite the pyramid player and had been accepted to the Academy at Picon on an athletic scholarship. Thank the Gods! It was the only way she had a chance to make something of herself.

Kara's mother died when she was thirteen after a protracted illness which she had daily blamed on her daughter. Catherine Thrace had believed that life was pain and took a perverse pleasure in instilling this belief in her daughter with brutal punishments and never ending criticisms. Her favorite pastime was telling Kara the many ways her father had been a worthless scum. How he had abandoned them and eventually gotten himself killed in a drunken bar fight. Catherine believed she was now dying as punishment for bringing Kara, an abomination like her father, into the world. She was forced to pray to the Gods nightly and beg their forgiveness, asking them to spare her mother's life.

Upon Catherine's death, Kara became a ward of the colony of Caprica and spent the rest of her childhood in an orphanage till she reached her eighteenth year. It was there that she honed her survival instincts and learned to fight. It didn't take the boys long to find the pretty little blond. Kara learned quickly to hit first and ask questions later. She worked hard to grow stronger and pushed herself like someone possessed. Experience had taught Kara that the only person that was ever going to protect her was her. This inner strength of spirit combined with her growing physical strength made her an excellent competitor. By the time she came of age, her skill on the school pyramid team caught the eye of a Fleet Academy scout and she was off to start a new life of her own making, leaving the memory of her parents buried in the ashes of her youth.

Life is rarely what we plan for it to be. Kara knew this better than anyone. But it still came as a shock when in a routine pyramid practice, before the start of term, one of her team mates misjudged a move and came crashing down on her right knee. A sudden snap could be heard echoing throughout the training facility. Kara collapsed to the floor in a flash of pain. Later she could not really remember being placed on the stretcher or being carried to the Academy hospital. The phrase "Career ending injury," drifted through the haze of pain meds as she lay on the bed and wept for the first time in years, watching her dreams of the future die a premature death. If she had been a weaker person, that probably would have been the end of her Academy career. But one thing Kara Thrace could not be called was weak.

She was in her second week of rehab after knee surgery and the doctors all told her that she needed to stay in the rehab unit until they had cleared her to start classes, but Kara was having none of it. There was no way she was going to miss out on classes and risk loosing her scholarship. She was determined to prove these doctors wrong and win her spot back on the team. She was in the middle of telling her least favorite doctor, Doctor Velasquez, where he could shove his recommendations in very colorful language when she noticed a cadet that appeared to be about her age. He was hovering near the door she was attempting to make her escape from, looking a bit amused at the spectacle before him.

"What are you staring at?" She growled as she quickly turned towards him.

"Who me?" He asked, a little caught off guard to be pulled into the argument. "I just stopped by to drop off this medical form they requested. Evidently they misplaced the first copy." The cadet shoved a piece of paper at the doctor.

"Where are you headed?" Kara shot back.

"Introductory Space Dynamics."

"What a coincidence," she said with a look of pure triumph as she turned back to the doctor, "I happen to be headed there my self. Carry my bag. These crutches are hard enough to manage without a ton of books weighing me down." Kara never looked at the cadet as she ordered his assistance and threw her bag at him, instead choosing to stare down the Doctor in a 'Stop me if you dare way' as she maneuvered her crutches and made a determined departure from the hospital.

There were a couple of minutes of angry silence before Kara's attention was once again drawn to the cadet that was still walking with her, even if at a safe distance. "What's your name?" Kara asked in a slightly harsher tone than she intended.

"Lee."

"Lee what?"

He seemed to hesitate as if considering the answer to her question. "Lee Adama," he said at last.

"Well Lee Adama, I'm Kara Thrace and I suppose I should say thanks for helping me out back there. Those doctors are fraking useless. They actually want me to do another two weeks of rehab before starting classes. There is no way I would ever be able to catch back up if I get that far behind. I'm not exactly the brightest star in the sky, if you know what I mean. It's not like I'm here on an academic scholarship. I'm here to play pyramid and in order to do that I have to get the grades as well as get my knee back in fighting form." Lee Adama seemed to think that staring at the ground ahead of him was the best answer to her observations. "Anyway, I owe you one."

Kara noticed that the cadet beside her kept glancing out of the corner of his eye, checking her out. He seemed to be waiting for something and the longer that they walked together without "it" happening, the more he seemed to relax. Kara took the pause in conversation as an opportunity to look her new classmate over. He was a bit taller than she was, dark hair, cool blue eyes, and...What was the word she was searching for? Oh yeah, a geek. He was too thin for his tall frame and his arms and legs did not seem to quite want to coordinate with the movements of his body. He was a little too clean cut and his uniform too neatly pressed. If Kara had to make a guess, she would figure that he either came from a military family or was the most anal person she had ever met…perhaps both.

They made their way to the main academic building on campus and managed to find the right room with a couple of minutes to spare. Out of habit, Kara disregarded the cluster of cadets in the middle of the classroom and moved to the far corner, a bit apart from the others. Her companion followed her, set down her book bag, took one look at the group of cadets, and then silently took a seat next to Kara. There must have been about forty people in the room. An uptight Captain stormed in, throwing his briefcase on the desk at the front and faced the now silent cadets with an air of superiority. Kara paid him little attention as she tried to position her injured leg on a chair to prevent her knee swelling any more than the walk had already managed. Unfortunately the extra movement caused her crutches, which were precariously positioned against the desk next to her, to fall over with an almighty crash. The Captain glared at her for ruining his supposed grand entrance. It took a minute for him to regain his look of smugness and begin.

"I am Captain Jade Stevens." Kara barely stifled the snicker that escaped her, earning her another glare. The Captain continued to focus on her as he finished his obviously well rehearsed speech. "Take a good look around boys and girls. Up to one half of you will not be here by the time this year is over. It will not matter what your athletic ability may be," he said with a smirk at Kara, "Or who your father might be." The Captains gaze finally shifted off of her, but only slightly to the left to land on her new companion. "Because Daddy isn't here now to take care of you, I am. And I don't take kindly to people who expect everything handed to them on a silver platter because of who they are. In fact, I tend to expect more of them than the 110 that I expect from the rest of you."

Kara noticed that there was some whispering going on in the vicinity of the pack of cadets. For once, the focus of attention did not seem to be on her as a couple of people pointed in the direction of Lee Adama. The cadet next to her shifted uncomfortably in his seat and, as if it were possible, seemed to sit up even straighter than before. The more relaxed look that had settled onto his face earlier was now gone and a mask fell into place that surprised Kara with its familiarity. She couldn't help but bristle a little at this sudden defensive change. Although she did not understand the subtext of the sudden attention, she knew enough to realize that Lee Adama was being singled out. Kara never stood by while someone got bullied or picked on. The girls at the orphanage who might have initially shunned Kara learned that having a strong friend on their side came in handy. A week did not go by that she did not end up in a fight while protecting herself or one of the less capable kids with whom she had shared a home. That protective nature was now stimulated by the atmosphere that permeated the room. It was one thing for her to order this guy around and make him her personal assistant, it was another for this cocky Captain to pick a fight with someone who clearly was not going to stand up for himself. Kara watched closely as the Captain eventually drifted back to his introductory speech. She noticed that Lee Adama opened his notebook and dutifully wrote down every word the Captain said.

**Chapter Three: Fighting the Inevitable**

Cadet Adama seemed to keep to himself as much as she did. He continued to help her with her books as they moved from one class to another, always polite, but quiet for the most part. Kara never asked him about the Captain's comments regarding his father. She figured it was none of her business. She never wanted to be judged based on who her parents had been so she thought it only fair to return the favor to others. The rest of the class was not so open minded, choosing instead to follow the Captain's lead and frequently turning their noses up at the diligent young cadet. Kara was so caught up in her own problems that she had little time to take notice of it all.

The fall term quickly passed away as the full workload of the Academy descended upon them. Not only was Kara snowed under by her studies, but she also made time to attend all the pyramid practices and games. She would sit on the sideline, watch, and study her team's tactics. She also had to make up the rest of her rehab time in her off hours in order to pacify the powers that be. She spent an hour in the morning before classes in the gym with a therapist and two hours on her own in the evenings following pyramid practice. After that she would grab a late bite to eat and head off to study. She would always notice that Lee Adama was the only one still sitting in the study room as she would leave to turn in for the night. He seemed to be the only one getting less sleep than she was.

The end of the fall term arrived in conjunction with her final medical evaluation. She finished her last written exam with a prayer on her lips that she would pass. She didn't care if it was by the skin of her teeth as long as she could qualify to play. She rushed to the hospital, now crutch free, with a slight bounce to her step. When the door to her examination room opened, she was caught off guard by the entrance of Doctor Velasquez. He seemed in much too good of a mood, considering who he was there to see.

"Cadet Thrace. I have been looking over your records and the evaluation by your therapist, and I have some good news. It appears that your knee has recovered better than anyone expected. In every practical way it is as good as new." The Doctor smiled at her, but it did nothing to calm her racing heart.

"That's great news Doc, but when can I play?"

"Oh I'm sorry. Didn't anyone tell you?" His smile widened a bit and she could tell that he was preparing to move in for the kill. "I was asked over two months ago if I thought it was reasonable to expect you to be back up to playing standards by next season. At the time I did not hold out much hope, so I recommended that they no longer reserve your spot on the team. They have been letting you attend practices and games in order to not discourage you during your rehab process. But now that you have finished, they have respectfully requested that you cease attending all practices. You can still attend games of course, if you buy a ticket."

Kara sat quietly for a moment using everything she had in her to maintain some semblance of calm. "But I thought you said I was better. Can't you just tell them that I exceeded your expectations and am good to go?"

"Afraid not Cadet. They have already filled the spot on the team and switched your scholarship from athletic to academic. Based on your mid term grades, unless you pulled off a miracle on your exams today I would say that you are probably even now on academic probation. If you do not come to meet the high standards expected of those scholars then I doubt you will be with us for much longer."

The doctor crossed his arms with a very relaxed and self satisfied look on his face. The full weight of the situation sunk in as Kara's face hardened and pure hatred shot from her eyes. "What's the matter Thrace? Something bothering you? You look like you might want to hit something. Go on," he taunted, "try it. Let's add striking a superior officer to your poor academic record and see how long you last. I'll have your ass out of here so fast your bum leg won't even touch the ground."

Kara stood up and moved within a foot of the doctor, visibly shaking from the effort of holding back the fist that was clenched at her side. "Permission to leave, Sir?" The doctor looked at her for a long moment enjoying the struggle that was so obviously playing out in her eyes. "Permission granted, Cadet."

Kara did not remember walking back to the dorms or changing out of her uniform. Nor could she see through the red haze of anger as she made her way to the closest bar. The next thing Kara could recall when she looked back on that day was sitting at the bar spinning an empty bottle. It was late by the time the Ambrosia had numbed her enough to give a damn about her surroundings. The bar was packed with locals and military alike. Cadets and officers were out in full force to celebrate the end of term and spirits were high. She noticed that a large group of her classmates were gathered at the other side of the bar and were laughing and joking, without a care in the world. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of a familiar form. Lee Adama was making his way through the crowded room towards the group of cadets. She was a little surprised to see him there considering how uptight he was. She watched in a drunken stupor the interaction within the group. No one seemed to be making much of an effort to include Adama in their conversations and after a few minutes of standing there awkwardly he slowly started to back away.

Kara could see it before it happened, even called out to him in her head but the words never made it out of her mouth. He backed right into one of the large local boys, knocking the full bottle of Ambrosia out of his hand. "Oh boy, this is going to get ugly," she thought as she sobered slightly with the sudden rush of adrenaline her body was conditioned to release in anticipation of a fight. Kara stood and moved closer to the men without a clear idea of what she was doing. Lee Adama was evidently trying to solve the problem diplomatically, offering up a new bottle of Ambrosia and an apology. Their fellow cadets were standing back apparently enjoying the show that was about to unfold. None of them made a move to help their classmate.

The local man, tired of the cocky military, saw this as a perfect opportunity to take out some of his pent up aggression. Lee Adama was looking away, trying to get the bartender's attention, when the local man raised his fist and made his move. Before either of the men knew what was happening, Kara rushed forward and pushed Lee aside while landing a hard right hook on the jaw of the belligerent man. He went down fast and didn't get up. But that did not stop his buddies from joining in the fight. One of them grabbed Kara from behind while the other prepared to land a punch to her now exposed abdomen. All of the pain and pent up anger from the last few months erupted in a brilliant explosion. Kara threw her head back with all the force she had, right into the nose of the man holding her. She was rewarded with a satisfying snap and gushing blood. Before he could drop her on her ass, she landed a quick kick to the groin of his friend. She regained her footing and spun around on the spot, ready for who might be next.

Out of nowhere a punch caught the side of her face, forcing her against a nearby table. The man moved forward to attack while she was off balance, but was quickly intercepted by Lee Adama himself. His fist connected firmly with the burly man's chin and the fight was on. Kara had only a moment to be surprised at how well Lee was actually handling himself before being tackled from behind. The fight had the usual domino affect and before anyone could get control of the situation, the whole bar had erupted into chaos. Shattering glass and splintering wood punctuated the air amidst the sound of skin on skin and cursing. Kara could be heard laughing as she let her fists fly, reveling in the release of the moment. At one point, she found herself back to back with Lee and couldn't help but throw him a smile and a wink over her shoulder before ducking to avoid a flying bottle. The Academy police that frequently staked out the bars on nights such as this came rushing inside to subdue the riotous crowd. People began to scatter, trying to make a hasty exit before being caught. Kara, however, just kept fighting. Somewhere in the distance, above the sound of rushing blood in her ears, she heard someone calling her name.

"Kara! Kara stop! The fights over. We've got to get out of here!"

Someone touched her arm and she swung before she looked. By the time her eyes caught up with her fist, Lee Adama was laying on the floor, out cold. The Academy police took advantage of this temporary distraction and grabbed her. Lee had still not woken up by the time they dragged her from the bar, kicking and screaming.

**Chapter Four: The Morning After**

A hard pounding in her head was the first thing Kara became aware of the next day. Her body ached all over and the overhead lights were blinding. She gave up trying to sit up and just sank back onto the hard cot. Voices as annoying as buzzing insects penetrated the hangover haze that was engulfing her.

"Looks like our girl is finally trying to wake up," said a gruff, disembodied voice. "It's about damn time. Yeah, evidently she tried to take on a whole group of the local boys single handedly. They were trying to cause some trouble. Ended up in a huge fight. Wish I had been there to see it! Her blood alcohol level was so high when they brought her in that I'm surprised she could move, much less knock someone out."

A second man laughed at that. "So what did they book her for?"

"Drunk and disorderly of course. She's lucky that is all they got her on. Get this, guess who she managed to deck right as the Academy police arrived?"

"Who?" The second man asked eagerly.

"Commander William Adama's son."

"Frack me!"

"Lucky for her he isn't pressing charges. They took him to the hospital, but he checked out okay," the first man explained. "He's out there getting her signed out as we speak."

Kara rolled over at this, just in time to see Lee walk through the door. He approached the bars and looked down at her, casting a critical eye over her bedraggled appearance. She braced herself for the verbal assault she knew was coming. But at that moment, Lee did something that would change her opinion of him forever. He smiled. The first genuine smile she had seen since they had started the Academy. His whole face lit up and his eyes sparkled.

"Hey," he said as he leaned into the bars.

Kara slowly made her way up into a sitting position, causing a wave of nausea to wash over her. "Hey yourself," she managed to croak out.

"You don't look so good." He stood there still smiling down at her.

"Well you're no sight to behold yourself," she retorted, looking up at his now black eye.

"If that's how you feel, I can always come back later," he said in a very nonchalant way. "I'm sure these gentleman would be happy to keep you company for a while longer. Or you could let me walk you back to the dorms and get some coffee in you."

"Coffee. Definitely the coffee. I feel like I've been run over by a transport vehicle." One of the two guards moved forward and unlocked the cell door. Lee walked in and offered her a hand up. Kara looked at it, but made no move.

"Listen Lee, I'm sorry about hitting you. I didn't realize it was you."

"No hard feelings, Thrace. If you hadn't stepped in that guy would have knocked me out anyway. I figure what's worse, getting decked by one of the local buffoons or a crazy ass bitch that everyone's afraid of?"

At that Kara laughed out loud, feeling better than she had since she first injured her knee. She reached up and took his hand. He heaved her up off the cot and helped steady her. "You're my kind of guy Lee Adama," she said with her trademark sarcastic smile. "Now get me the frack out of here."

After that day, Lee and Kara became inseparable. Looking back, Kara doubted that either of them would have made it through the Academy otherwise. She would have definitely flunked out and he would have had a nervous breakdown. Once Kara explained her precarious academic situation, Lee made it his personal quest to make sure she got the grades she needed to stay in the Academy. He tutored her and in exchange she pulled him out of the study room, encouraging him to run with her and workout in the gym. To round out his education, she taught him the fine art of gambling and cards; not that he or anyone else could ever beat her.

Following the fight, the cadets in their class seemed to soften towards the two outcasts. There's nothing like showing a total disregard for sanity to garner a little well deserved respect. Kara became famous overnight; it was the stuff of Academy legend. By the time it was retold and circulated, she had taken on ten men single handedly. Kara let them talk; it certainly seemed to ease her way. Lee, on the other hand, seemed to be a little more respected and a little less shunned based on his heritage. Kara never asked, but as time went on it became evident that Lee had to measure up to nothing less than a living legend. Commander William Adama was probably one of the best Viper pilots that ever graduated from the Academy. He was famous for legendary maneuvers that were now part of advanced Viper pilot training. He was also a hero from the later part of the Cylon Wars and a well respected Commander of a Battlestar. Lee did not talk about him much. There was a definite love/hate thing going on there. But Kara did hear a lot about his Mom and his younger brother Zak, who Lee adored.

Lee became the best friend she ever had. Truth be told, he may have been the only real friend she ever had. They irritated each other, drove each other, and competed with each other as the Academy years passed quickly. But most of all, they were there for each other. No one had ever understood and accepted her the way Lee did. Most of the time when they were in the midst of group exercises; the two of them did not even have to speak to communicate what needed to be done. They did it automatically. He tolerated her quick temper and propensity for trouble and she managed his chronic anal retentive tendencies with relative ease. The rumor mill was in full force where they were concerned. Everyone suspected that they were a couple. Many people speculated about what Lee had to do to keep Kara's temper in check, but none of it was true. Kara had learned early on that sex was easy, but friendship and respect were hard to come by. She was not willing to risk loosing what she had with Lee, he was just too damn important to her.

They both dated off and on, Kara more so than Lee. But neither one ever got too serious about anyone or let dating get in the way of their friendship. Lee was too caught up in his studies to pay much attention to girls, or at least it seemed that way to Kara. She, on the other hand, was too much of a hot head to take crap off the smart ass immature cadets that filled her classes. She left a trail of broken hearts and bruised egos in her wake. After a date, whether that night or the next day, depending on how well it went, she would lie across Lee's bed and analyze her latest victim and joke about how no man would ever be able to tame her.

"Love is the stuff of fiction, it's an illusion." She stated with conviction. "I will never give a man that kind of power over me. But I will get my use of him before I send him on his way!" Kara laughed triumphantly. Lee always looked disappointed in her attitude, but never seemed to want to challenge her on it.

"Let's face it Lee. You can't even put up with me all the time and you have the patience of the Lords of Kobol. What chance would a mere mortal have?" He never spoke of his own conquests. Kara assumed that he was just too much of a gentleman to talk about such things, even with her.

Lee was always the top of their class. Even with his help, Kara only managed to just scrape by the requirements for academic scholarship recipients. But that was all she ever wanted. It was in their third year at the Academy that everything suddenly changed. They started basic flight. Kara had often heard that some people have a "gift". She had never really believed it. Life seemed a little too dark to offer anything as wonderful as a natural inclination toward something. But that was exactly what she had. The first time she was put in the pilot's seat was like a personal audience with the Gods. Everything she did was just right. Her spirit, for the first time in her life, felt free. She had come home. Kara and flying was a beautiful thing to behold. The grace and style that she used in the cockpit was something that could not be learned. Lee would watch her enviously. His style was always proper, but it was stiff and by the book. Kara's movements were fluid and could best be described as poetic.

That still did not settle her restless spirit once back on the ground. She often got in trouble for her quick temper and smart mouth with instructors and classmates alike. Their primary flight instructor, Lieutenant John Kertzman, could not stand her. He was the one who bestowed Kara with her now legendary call sign.

"Thrace!"

"Sir, yes Sir!"

"From now on you will be known as Starbuck!"

"Thank you Sir! Wherever did you get such a wonderful name?" She responded with her usual sarcasm and a pure Kara Thrace smile.

"I had a dog named Starbuck."

"Really, Sir? That's fascinating." Kara raised her eyebrow for emphasis.

"I hated that damn dog. Never knew a more obstinate and irritating bitch. Best day in my life was the day I had her put down," he said, a nostalgic smile evident past the stogie he always kept in his mouth.

"Thank you sir! I'll take that as a compliment," she said with a knowing wink.

Lee's call sign was much more telling; 'Apollo', the son of Zeus. The irony seemed to escape Lee for the most part, but Kara certainly didn't miss the double meaning. Commander Adama was something of a God to these pilots. Lee, as his son, had a lot to live up to.

**Chapter Five: Unexplored Territory**

In their fourth and final year at the Academy, Lee and Kara were both fast tracked for Vipers. They moved into the Viper pilot quarters and became room mates for the first time. Lee's stress levels seemed to skyrocket with the workload, but Kara had never been happier in her life. Vipers were what she had been born to do. They just made sense to her. Kara tried her best to keep Lee relaxed, but somehow her efforts did not work as well as they had in the past. He seemed moody and easily annoyed. Nothing she did seemed to be right. One weekend night, when he was being an especially large pain in her ass, refusing to go to the bar for drinks or play cards, she confronted him about his attitude.

"Life is short Lee! You have to savor the moment, grab life by the balls and never let them go. We could be dead tomorrow. Do you want to spend your last night on this planet with your head stuck in your books and up your ass or would you prefer to spend it with your best friend who can make you laugh and have a good time?"

"Just go Starbuck. I don't have time for this tonight," Lee said, exasperated. "I need to read two chapters and review the test maneuvers before I go to bed."

"C'mon! You know this stuff Lee. You must have read it all a dozen times and I've seen you do those maneuvers flawlessly myself. Just come out. You know I'll only wind up in the hack if you don't come along and keep me out of trouble," Kara reasoned.

"I did not do those maneuvers flawlessly. I received only 95 out of 100 on the last test flight. That is just not good enough," Lee said, starting to get a little heated. "Besides, I'm sure you will find someone to keep you occupied. You usually do."

Kara decided to ignore the jab and keep to the point at hand. "Lee, when are you going to learn that you don't have to be perfect? You are going to be a great Viper pilot and you're gonna move up the ranks a lot faster than I ever will because you know how to keep your nose clean. What more can you ask of yourself?" Kara ranted, getting frustrated with his temperament. "What are you trying to prove? That you are as good as your father? Frak him! Just be yourself Lee! No one expects you to live up to that except for you!"

"Shut up Starbuck! I'm telling you, just go," he said, his voice starting to rise in anger. Kara pushed his books out of the way and sat down on his desk, arms crossed, with a determined look on her face. Lee glared at her. "You just don't understand what it is like to constantly be compared to him. The great William Adama! I have had to put up with being measured against him all of my life. And now? Now I not only have to worry about him, but my best friend as well; the amazing Starbuck. I'm glad this all comes so easy for you that you don't have to work hard. But life just isn't that easy for everyone!"

"You don't know what the frack you're talking about Lee. I would shut the frak up- before I have to shut you up," Kara said in a dangerously quiet voice.

Lee did not catch the change in her voice from sarcastic to threatening. He was too caught up in his own temper to realize what he had said.

"You can piss off the entire Academy but none of it matters because you have a 'gift'. You've gotten into trouble more times than the rest of our class put together. But guess who they all brag on, just because you can handle a Viper. Well aren't you just special, Kara Thrace!" Lee shouted.

Lee never saw the fist coming. As luck would have it, he happened to be turning away from her as she swung. So she did not make the contact that she had intended. As a result he just ended up on the ground as opposed to out cold.

"You had better watch what you say Lee," Kara said menacingly as she loomed over him. "Nothing in my life has been easy! You have a family that loves you. You're going to graduate the top of the fraking class. Flying is all I have! I never had anyone that took care of me; that cared about me, except for you. I have had to fight for everything that I have ever gotten in this world. Frak! My own parents didn't want me. No one has been there to hold me when I was scared or hurting. No one was there to help me when the boys cornered me in the bathroom my first week in the orphanage. I ended up with a broken arm and a concussion trying to fight them off. So don't you tell me about life being fraking easy!" Kara turned quickly away from him, breathing hard and fast, trying to control the unexpected emotion that was overwhelming her.

Lee stood up slowly from the floor, shocked at this rare glimpse of vulnerability. Kara never talked about her past and he had learned a long time ago that it was better not to ask. "You're right Kara, I do care about you," Lee said softly. "A lot more than I probably should." He slowly moved closer to her. "I'm sorry. I was being stupid, feeling sorry for myself," Lee hesitated. "I just didn't have it in me to go out and watch you….I just couldn't handle it tonight. Okay? I know I have no right to complain about my life. Forgive me?"

Kara stood there with her back to him, her shoulders still heaving up and down as she inhaled and exhaled. Lee carefully reached out for her arm to slowly turn her around. What he saw took his breath away. Staring back at him, with tears in her eyes, was not the impenetrable Starbuck. It was a woman, as hurt and lost as any he had ever seen. "Kara…" he breathed. "I'm sorry." She tried to turn away from him, to escape. Leave the room before she completely lost it in front of the one man whose opinion truly mattered to her. But Lee was having none of it. He quickly stepped forward, blocking her escape route. "Kara I didn't know about what happened. You never talk about your past. I didn't realize..." His words drifted off as he looked at her movingly, understanding some of his friend's secrets at last.

"Don't you do it, Lee!" The fire was returning and the mask was quickly slipping back in place. "Don't you dare feel sorry for me. I have never wanted pity from anyone. Especially not from you!"

"Kara, being sorry for the hardships you've had to endure in life is not a matter of pity!" At that she went for him again. But this time he was ready for her. He easily sidestepped her attack and grabbed her arm to spin her around and force her against the wall, pinning her with his body so as to block any retaliation she might have planned. She struggled against him, but he had fought her often enough to know how to best hold her. They just stared at each other, inches apart, both breathing hard from the exertion.

Kara had no idea how it happened, she wasn't even sure who made the first move. But the next thing she knew his lips were pressed against hers in a passionate kiss. At first, she was in shock from the sudden turn of events. The moment seemed to stretch out between them. Then, without thinking, she let her lips part slightly and began to deepen the kiss. Lee, encouraged by her response, seemed to come alive. He released her hands that were pinned to the wall and pulled her to him, pressing even closer to her than before. He began to explore her mouth greedily, his kisses hard and hot. "Damn…" She thought. "Where did he learn to kiss like this?" Kara's arms came up automatically to wrap around his neck and shoulders. She could feel his muscles tense and release as he convulsively pulled her to him with a strength that was surprising. Lee was no longer the skinny, geeky kid that she had first met. Somewhere along the way he had filled out into a hard, athletic man.

Kara quickly lost the ability to think. She was drowning in the sensations that were starting at her mouth and were radiating down to the deepest parts of her. She clung to Lee, in fear of loosing herself to the strong emotions that were tearing at her. Lee turned his attention from her mouth to trail kisses down her cheek to the crook of her neck. She gasped as his teeth found her ear, delicately teasing, only to return unyielding and fevered to her mouth for another deep kiss. Kara could not get close enough to him. She pulled herself up in order to wrap her legs around him, locking her ankles behind his back. He reached down to hold her as he pressed her back against the wall. Kara felt a part of Lee, hard and ready, pushing up against her. The feeling was intoxicating. She heard herself moan aloud as she ran her hand through his hair, gripping it firmly. Lee lifted her easily from the wall and carried her quickly to the nearest bed, without ever breaking contact with her mouth. She found herself on a narrow bunk with Lee pressing down on top of her and still she couldn't get close enough.

Kara wanted him in a way that she had never experienced before. It was beyond reason. They were both breathing fast. Kara pushed him back just enough to lift his sweatshirt over his head and then pulled him in for another kiss, her legs tightening around him. She ran her hands up his now exposed back, enjoying the sensation of skin on skin. She felt him shiver in response to her nails tracing down along his spine. Lee sat back, pulling her into his lap, her legs still wrapped around his waist. Kara held on tight, determined not to break contact. She had the irrational fear that if she let go of him she would cease to exist. She had always been a passionate person, but nothing measured up to the desperation she was feeling holding on to this man. She placed hot, wet kisses on his neck and cheek as one hand reached between them to loosen the fastening for his trousers.

"Kara, Kara look at me," Lee said gently, his voice thick with desire, as he pulled away slowly. "Kara!" He said more forcefully bringing his hands up to cup her face gently. His voice gradually reached her. She reluctantly loosened her hold on him and opened her eyes. "Kara, I need to know that you want this, that you want me. I've needed to tell you something for a long time and I want to say it before this goes any further." His eyes were a deep and stormy blue, burning in to her with...with what? Kara didn't want to put a name to what was reflected there. It was more than just excitement and longing, much more. It sobered her faster than a bucket of cold water. Realization suddenly dawned on her; where she was, what she was doing, and who she was doing it with. Panic set in as reality made an unwelcome intrusion into a dream. Lee must have seen the change because his face suddenly showed concern. "Kara, it's alright." He tried to pull her close again and hold her.

"Stop Lee! Let me go!" She was suffocating, pushing against him. Fear had set in. Oh Gods…Lee. She had to run! She had to get away! 

"Kara, just listen," he said, releasing her and giving her room before she became more upset. She took the opportunity to move quickly away from him and head towards the door. "Kara, don't do this; don't shut me out. Talk to me!"

"Shut up Lee! There's nothing to talk about. It meant nothing. You're Apollo, I'm Starbuck, we had a stupid fight and it got out of hand. That's all there is to it." She didn't even look at him as she threw open the door and moved quickly up the hall. Lee watched her until she turned the corner and disappeared from sight, sorrow and regret etched on his face. A couple of the pilots who saw her hasty departure couldn't help but taunt him. "What's the matter Apollo? Starbuck too tough for you? Won't she let you be on top?" Hang-up called out with a laugh. Lee ignored him. Kara didn't come home that night, he never asked her where she went or what she did. Neither of them really wanted to know.

**Chapter Six: Moving On**

Viper training and preparation for their careers following the Academy made time pass quickly. Kara never talked to Lee about the moment they shared. She pretended that nothing had happened and he reluctantly did the same. But sometimes, late at night when sleep would escape her, she would lie in bed and think about his strong arms holding her and wonder what he might have said if she had only let him. She would stare at his bed across the room, her longing palpable, and will him to come to her. But he never did. In the morning, she would realize how stupid she was. Lee's friendship was too important to risk screwing up on something as unlikely as love. It was a gamble she wasn't willing to take. They returned to their old routines and usual banter and made the most of the time they had left together, even if it wasn't quite the same. Their first assignments were posted in the spring. They had tried to get attached to the same Battlestar but were being allocated to two different ships. The time was coming for them to say good-bye after four years of constant friendship.

Graduation from Vipers was bittersweet. Kara took pride in Lee as he stood before the crowd to give his speech as top of the class. His mother Caroline and brother Zak, who was due to start the Academy the next fall, were both at the ceremony. Lee's father was on assignment and evidently could not get back in time to watch his son get his Viper pilot wings. That hurt Lee more than he would ever admit and Kara knew it. His family was nice, though. Lee's mother was lighthearted and gracious, but elegant at the same time. They invited Kara along to dinner to celebrate. She sat there, smiling, looking around the table as they toasted the graduates' future success. For a moment Kara got a glimpse of a world she had never known, she was part of a family.

Afterwards, she and Lee stayed up all night talking about old times; laughing and drinking as they recounted their various adventures. They watched the sunrise from their favorite spot on the Academy grounds. Lee put his arm around her and she sank into his side in a rare moment of intimacy. "We'll be together again one day you know. I feel it," he said, a far away expression on his face. "Call it a premonition."

"Call it too much Ambrosia," Kara scoffed. "You know as well as I do that the chances of us seeing each other any time soon is unlikely. I already know that I'm going to be out on a six month mission before coming back this way. By that time there's no telling where you'll be. We'll be lucky to pass each other coming and going, much less get to spend any real time together."

"Thanks for cheering me up," Lee laughed. "Say what you will, believe I am inebriated if you must, but you and I are the great 'Starbuck and Apollo'. The Gods brought us together in order to survive the Academy. When in need, they will bring us together again. Mark my words!" They clinked their bottles in a mock toast and downed the last of their ambrosia before sinking back into companionable silence. It was Kara's turn to become reflective as the first rays of sunlight touched their faces.

"Thanks, Apollo," she said quietly.

"For what?" Lee asked, a smile in his voice.

"For everything."

"You're welcome Starbuck, anytime."

Kara transferred out that afternoon. As she had predicted, she did not see Lee again for over two years.

**Chapter Seven: New Beginnings**

Kara's first commission passed quickly. She got on with the other pilots, well most of them at least, and she enjoyed the flying, gambling and drinking that made up a Viper pilot's life. But Lee's absence left a hole in her heart that could never quite be filled by anything or anyone. Not that she would ever admit that to him in the letters she would occasionally send or the rare phone call. It was better that way, she told herself. Life moved on. In fact, it moved her right back to the Academy. Her commanding officer hoped that Kara would be able to pass on some of the natural talent she seemed to possess as a flight instructor. He also informed her that he hoped teaching would lead to her developing greater patience and understanding. Well, he could dream.

Teaching Basic Flight was alright, but it was not Vipers. Being at the Academy brought back fond memories and made her nostalgic. She missed Lee more than ever. She would often sit and eat lunch at their favorite spot, where they had watched that last sun rise. Perhaps that is why he caught her so off guard.

"So would it be completely inappropriate to ask an Instructor out for a drink?"

Kara turned ready to give an unsuspecting cadet a piece of her mind. She looked up to see who would have the balls to approach her, when suddenly her face erupted in an unexpected smile. "Lords, who would have believed it? Cadet Zak Adama. How the frak are you?"

"Well I'll be doing a lot better if you say yes to that drink," he said with a charming grin. "You see that group of guys over there?" Kara glanced past him at a group of gawking cadets. "They have bet me a substantial amount of money that I could not come over here and ask out Lieutenant 'Starbuck' Thrace and not get punched in the face. There's a bonus in it if you actually say yes."

Kara laughed, "You didn't happen to mention to them that I'm friends with your brother and that we've met before?"

"Now why would I want to do something as ridiculous as that?" He reached out a hand to her, still smiling. "So how about it? Do we have a date?"

Kara looked at his hand for a moment before reaching out and taking it, she smiled up at eerily familiar eyes. "Why not, it could be fun."

"Great! I'll stop by your quarters at about 8 o'clock and pick you up."

"Pick me up?" Kara asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course! I'm an officer and a gentleman!" Zak began to slowly back away. "Until tonight then." He gave her hand a slight squeeze before releasing it and turning to rejoin the group of cadets who were staring at him in stunned silence. Kara shook her head as she gathered her things to leave. "A date with Zak Adama. Now that is funny."

Funny wasn't quite the word for it. Kara not only went out with Zak for the wager winning drink, but every night after that as well. She couldn't help herself. She had fun with Zak. He was familiar in many ways; it felt as if she already knew him. But it was more than that. Zak had a confidence and self-assuredness about him. He didn't seem to have as much to prove, or feel compelled to measure up to some impossible standard. He wanted to be a Viper pilot more than anything, but it didn't mean he stopped living. He enjoyed himself and he enjoyed Kara. He went a long way towards filling the gap in her life that had kept her from being truly happy. Zak would frequently surprise her with unexpected romantic gestures and come up with new and devious ways to make her laugh. But he took his time before trying anything more physical.

They had been "dating" for about two months when Zak stood at Kara's door, saying goodnight for about the fifth time, still not leaving. Kara stood there with her arms crossed and a sarcastic smile on her face, waiting to see how long he could drag this out. He just looked down at her and gave her an award winning Adama smile. She caved. "Oh alright, would you like to come in for a drink?"

"Well if you insist!" He replied in mock surprise.

Kara did not even get the drinks poured before Zak took her arm, turned her around, and pulled her to him for a warm kiss that stirred long buried memories. Zak was sweet and tender. Kara felt safe with him. He took his time making love to her, exploring every part of her body. There was passion as they came together, but it was gentle. She did not loose herself to it, but she did embrace it.

Zak held her the rest of the night, occasionally reaching out to gently trace the edge of her ear or her lips. "You know I've had a crush on you for years," he said, smiling down at her in his arms.

"Really?" Kara replied doubtfully.

"Yeah, ever since you and Lee graduated. I heard stories about you for ages, but that was the first time I actually got to meet you. I was so jealous. I assumed you and Lee were together. It wasn't until months later that I worked up the nerve to ask him about you. Lee is always so secretive about those kinds of things. You know how he is."

"I know. He never would share any of the gossip about his conquests at the Academy," she said with a smile. "Not even with me."

"Ah!" Zak shook his head in a knowing way. "That's because there weren't any."

"What do you mean? Lee dated."

"Yeah, he went out. But that's as far as it ever went."

"C'mon, give him some credit. Your brother is smoother than that!" Kara said with a laugh.

"No really! He was home on leave and came up to the Academy to visit me. We both had way too much to drink and got to talking, as brothers tend to do. That's when I asked him about you. Turns out he was head over heels in love with the same girl all through the Academy. He said it was love at first site. None of the other girls ever measured up to her, so he couldn't be bothered with them. But the jerk never worked up the nerve to tell this girl how he felt. Can you imagine?"

Kara rolled onto her side and snuggled her back up against him, uncomfortable with the sudden turn in conversation. "Did he ever say who it was?"

"No. Why? Do you have any ideas?"

"Not really," Kara said quietly. "You know Lee, he's an enigma."

"Well, I'm not." Zak placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. "If I care about someone, I am going to make sure she knows it. Especially if she is anything like you." He pulled her closer and eventually drifted off to sleep. Kara lay there the rest of the night turning everything over in her head, getting nowhere.

**Chapter Eight: Change Is Constant**

In spite of herself, Kara Thrace fell in love with Zak Adama. It was impossible not to. He was charming, warm, sincere, and full of life. Every time Kara would panic and start to pull away, Zak would pull her right back. He worked hard to convince her that, in spite of past experiences, she was worthy of being loved and that he was undoubtedly the man for the job. He gave her no choice but to believe in him. So she did.

They had been together about nine months when he pulled his biggest stunt to date. Kara wasn't his primary Flight Instructor, so it was rare that they ever went flying together, she preferred it that way. But on this particular day her schedule had been changed at the last minute and there wasn't time to find a replacement. Takeoff and basic maneuvers were not going well. She tried to be patient, but it was hard to hold her tongue. Finally she snapped. "Pull your head out of your ass Adama! What's got you so distracted?"

"Well Sir, it is just that I have something on my mind," he said with a mischievous grin.

"Whatever it is Cadet, get it off your chest so we can complete this flight," she growled, irritated with his lack of professionalism. She flipped on the automatic controls and turned slightly in her seat to get a better look at him.

"Well Sir, the problem is this…I am madly in love with you. In fact, I don't think I could go on living if you do not do me the honor of becoming my wife." Kara's mouth dropped open in shock as she looked up into his now misty eyes. "Will you marry me?"

She stared at him for the longest time before attempting to speak. Zak waited patiently, his smile never faltering. "Okay," was the only answer Kara could manage to choke out. But that was enough for Zak. He beamed at her and turned back to the controls. "Well then, let's get home and celebrate."

They lay in each other's arms that night and talked about the future. She had never been so hopeful about what all that could mean. She never knew that she could love someone so completely. Kara trusted Zak with her heart. She figured it really wasn't a gamble if she had nothing to loose. They decided not to tell anyone the news until Zak finished basic flight and was no longer officially connected to her in any way. Kara had never minded breaking the rules or causing a stir, but for Zak's sake she thought this time it would be better to play it safe.

Two weeks later, Kara and Zak each received a letter from Lee. As luck would have it, he was being transferred to Fleet Headquarters for an advanced officer training course. He was due to fly in that weekend and would be bunking at the Academy. Kara could tell from the letter how excited he was. They hadn't seen each other for so long. He mentioned that it would be like old times and he hinted about something he needed to tell her. Kara had a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had no idea how Lee would react to her being with Zak. She didn't know how she would react to seeing Lee. Her feelings for him had gotten so complicated by the end of the Academy and two years apart had done nothing to straighten them out, especially now that she was with Zak. She suspected that at one point Lee had felt more than just friendship for her and she had rejected it. Why? Out of fear? She didn't know anymore. Life with Zak made sense, it was easy. She wanted Lee to understand that, to be her friend. But she wasn't sure he would still want the job when he found out the truth. She couldn't sleep at all the night before he arrived, not even in the arms of her lover.

Kara and Zak went to the space port to meet his flight. Lee Adama walked out of the arrivals terminal and his eyes immediately locked with Kara's. He smiled at her with that same half smile she had seen a thousand times and suddenly the last two years completely melted away. He looked a little older somehow, but he was still Lee. He walked straight up to Kara, not noticing his brother standing next to her.

"Hey Starbuck," he said, his eyes searching her face.

"Hey yourself," Kara smiled in reply. "It's good to see you Lee." She reached out her hand and he took it in both of his, still not breaking eye contact.

"You too. It's been a long time." He squeezed her hand and stepped a little closer.

"Yeah, too long." Kara couldn't bring herself to look away; they each reveled in the other.

"Ahem!" Zak cleared his throat in an obvious attempt to get their attention, breaking the spell. "You forgetting about someone big brother?"

"Of course I am! I've been trying to forget about you since the day you were born," Lee joked. "Come here you!" Lee took the hand Zak had offered and pulled him into a hug, slapping him on the back a couple of times before turning back to Kara. There was something about the way that he looked at her that made her uneasy. The military was a small world and she wondered for a moment if maybe he had already heard about her and Zak through the grapevine.

"How about we all grab a drink?" She suggested, looking for a way to ease the tension she was feeling.

"I'll follow you," Lee said with a warm smile.

They made their way to a popular local bar, discussing easy topics such as his flight and the good weather. They chose an out of the way table so it would be easier to talk. Kara sat between the two brothers, obviously uncomfortable. Lee glanced at her again and this time Kara knew that it wasn't knowledge he was concealing, there was a definite question behind his eyes.

"So Lee," Zak said, "What a stroke of luck that you got transferred to the Academy while your two favorite people in the colonies just happen to be stationed here."

"Luck had nothing to do with it," Lee smiled. "I had to practically glue my lips to the XO's ass to get this assignment."

"Well, nothing really new there Apollo," Kara smirked.

"Funny Starbuck."

"So what is so great about this course anyway?" Zak asked.

"Nothing."

Zak looked puzzled. "Then why go through all the trouble?"

"You guessed it already little brother. My two favorite people are here." Lee looked at them both, beaming.

As the conversation progressed, Kara started to relax a little. Lee caught them up on life aboard the 'Atlantia' and Zak recounted some of his more entertaining Academy experiences.

The drinks arrived and Zak insisted on a toast. "To friendship and family, may they never again be parted."

"I'll drink to that," Lee said happily, touching his glass to theirs, stealing a fleeting look at Kara. He took a long drink before returning his attention to his brother. "So Zak, where is this girl that you have been raving about in your letters? It sounds as if it is getting pretty serious."

Zak looked quickly at Kara. "Yeah, see, that's a funny story actually."

Lee smiled knowingly, "When it comes to you Zak, it always is. So who is this mystery lady? Have you met her Kara? Is she good enough for my little brother?"

Kara's eyes widened at that. "Well, I don't really know if I'm the best one to say."

Zak stepped in, "She'd better be good enough for me, I'm going to marry her!"

Lee's eyes popped open at that and Kara nearly choked on her drink. They hadn't said they were going to mention the engagement yet.

"Oh, Lords!" Lee said, in shock. "Congratulations Zak! I can't believe it! My little brother is getting married! This is cause for a celebration," Lee pulled Zak up into another brotherly hug. "So when do I get to meet the future Mrs. Zak Adama?"

"That's the funny part," Zak said, a trace of nervous tension in his voice. "You already have." At that Zak turned and looked at Kara. Lee kept staring at Zak a moment longer, confusion evident on his face, before he followed Zak's gaze to the woman sitting with them. It took another minute before understanding began to dawn on his face. Shock was an understatement.

"Kara?" Lee asked softly. "You and Zak? I don't understand." It was obvious that He was waiting for one of them to yell "Gotcha" and start to laugh at their little joke. The longer that Zak stared at him expectantly and Kara avoided his gaze, the more he understood that they were serious.

"Wow, I don't know what to say," he finally struggled to get out. "You definitely surprised me."

"We haven't told anyone yet about the engagement," Zak said, his excitement beginning to return. "It seemed only right that you be the first to know. You always told me that Kara deserved someone special. Who could be more special than your little brother?" He looked over at Kara who had quickly drained her drink. "Let me go get you another one of those so we can celebrate properly. You two catch up for a minute." Zak quickly left the table to make his way up to the bar. They sat there uncomfortably as the silence stretched out between them. Kara played absentmindedly with the empty glass in her hands, still avoiding his gaze.

"How long?" Lee asked finally.

"Over nine months now."

"So, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, at first there was nothing to tell. Zak and I were just hanging out, like we always did and..."

"Obviously it moved beyond that," Lee interrupted impatiently.

"Yeah, it did." Her voice hardened at his perceived attack.

"But you still didn't feel the need to let me know?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe I was afraid you might act weird or something," Kara quipped, her voice sharp with sarcasm.

"You could have at least mentioned it in a letter or something. Given me a heads up, instead of waiting to blindside me with an engagement."

"Yeah Lee, let's think about that letter for just a second. 'Dear Apollo, How are you? Good hunting lately? Oh by the way, I'm fracking your little brother. Hope all is well!'"

"Watch yourself Starbuck," he growled.

"Would it have changed anything Lee, if you had known? Would things be different now?"

"Maybe..." He let the thought drift away. Silence settled over them again. Lee glanced in the direction of the bar and took a deep breath before turning back to Kara. "Are you pregnant?"

At that her eyes finally snapped up to his face, her temper immediately ignited. "Frak you Lee! Of course I'm not pregnant! Is that what you think? That the only way your brother would marry me is if I were knocked up?"

Lee's shoulders dropped a little at that and he looked dejected. "Of course not Kara, that's not what I meant. It's just…" He closed his eyes and seemed to struggle with something. "You just never seemed like the marrying kind. You never wanted a serious relationship before, not with anyone. I'm just wondering, what's the motivation? What changed your mind?"

"Zak did."

Lee looked her directly in the eyes. "Do you love him, Kara?"

Her temper vanished when she saw the conflicting emotions playing out on his face. "With all my heart Lee. I never would've believed it and I certainly didn't plan on it. But yeah, I love him very much."

Lee smiled slightly with that, but it did not reach his eyes as he looked back down at the table. "Then I am happy for you both."

"Here we go," Zak said returning with fresh drinks for them. He looked back and forth between the two old friends. "What did I miss?" He asked, a little confused by the somber mood at the table.

"Nothing Zak," Kara replied with a forced smile. "Just talking about how much things change."

**Chapter Nine: Nothing Lasts Forever**

It had been difficult to tell Lee the truth; it was obvious that on some level it had hurt him. But that was the last time he ever let Kara see it. He made every effort to give them his full support. From then on it was like old times, they were friends again. She had never been so happy in her life. She felt complete. The three of them could often be seen hanging out together in their down time, laughing and joking about the day's events or playing cards. It was bliss, for the whole two months that it lasted.

Zak's basic flight test was fast approaching, but he refused Lee's offer to go up for extra practice. He told him that he didn't need anyone's help; he wanted to do this on his own. On the day of the test, students and instructors were paired up by lottery in an attempt at fairness. In an unlucky twist of fate, Zak pulled Kara as his test instructor. She thought for a long moment about going to her superior, Colonel Billings, and asking him to reassign her. But Zak told her she was being ridiculous and that he could be professional if she could. So against her better judgment, Kara let it go.

The check ride did not go well. Zak busted three of the test maneuvers. His judgment seemed off and his reaction time was slow. Kara didn't think he was a bad pilot; he just seemed to lack the feel for flying. When they reached the ground, she quickly excused herself and told him she would see him later that evening. She walked into her office and put her head in her hands, taking slow steady breaths.

"What the frak am I going to do?" She wondered. "I should fail him. If he was anyone else I would fail him, in a heartbeat! But this isn't anyone, it's Zak. He wants this more than anything! How can I be the one to crush him? His father and brother are Viper pilots. His fiancé is a Viper pilot for frak's sake. If he fails basic flight, he'll never make Vipers. It's his dream. I love him too much to take that away from him."

Kara's mind was spinning, turning it all over again and again. She rubbed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. "What if I'm wrong? Maybe it was me. Maybe he was nervous to be flying with me and it affected his performance. Maybe I was being overly critical of him because of our relationship. Maybe it was simple test anxiety and he was having an off day…"

Kara's ability for self deception was well honed and by the time she left her office to turn in her report, Zak Adama had passed and was moving on to Vipers. The least she could do was give him a chance, she decided. If he couldn't hack it, then he would flunk out of Vipers. Until then she could give him the opportunity to try. In the meantime, she would work with him, whether he wanted her help or not. He would become a great pilot and everything could go on as they had planned.

Zak questioned her that night about his passing on to Vipers. He knew. Deep down he had to know. He told her he didn't want special treatment from her anymore than he did from his father. But she blew him off, reassuring him that she wouldn't pass him if she thought he didn't have the chops. They made love and Kara reassured herself that she would make this right; somehow, she would make everything alright. They loved each other and were happy. That would be enough. It had to be enough.

Zak wrote his father the next day, inviting the Commander to watch him get his wings for basic flight and to meet the woman he had fallen in love with. She read the letter with a smile on her face. Zak was very complimentary of her as a person as well as a pilot. It was important to Kara that she live up to those words. Especially since she would not only be meeting the great Commander Adama after all of these years, but she would soon become his daughter. Who would have thought? Lee seemed less than thrilled when he heard that his father was actually going to make it, but relented when Kara asked for his help to plan a dinner for his family. His parents had been separated for over a year and things were still a little touchy between them. She wanted everything to be perfect, for Zak's sake.

Kara was out most of that day, running errands and making final arrangements for the upcoming dinner. She decided to stop by her office and pick up her schedule for the following week before meeting up with Zak and Lee. She knew something was wrong as soon as she approached the training facilities. People were standing around in stunned silence, grief apparent on several of their faces. A heavy weight settled on her chest as Kara grabbed the first person she could reach.

"What's going on here? What's happened?" She demanded.

A female cadet looked at Kara; half in grief, half in fear. "I…there…there was an accident, Sir. A Viper crashed…the pilot…he was…he was killed." Tears were running down the cadet's face.

"Who was it?" she whispered. The cadet just continued to stare as if struck dumb. "Who was it!" Kara shouted, shaking the Cadet by the shoulders.

"Zak Adama, Sir."

The world stopped. Kara released the frightened young cadet and glared at her. "No, it's not true. You're wrong." She moved quickly towards the Colonel's office, determined to prove the Cadet a liar. He was standing at his desk, speaking on the phone as she approached his door.

"Yes Sir. I understand. It is very unfortunate, Sir. The full investigation will take awhile, but first impressions are that it was just a tragic accident, could have happened to any one. Yes Sir, they have already contacted Commander Adama. He is on his way to the Academy as we speak."

Kara grabbed the door frame in an attempt to steady herself, drawing the Colonel's attention. He just looked at her and in that moment all doubt was erased. Zak was dead. Oh Gods! She turned and started to run. She ran hard and fast, passing by the stunned officers and cadets, out the door, past the academic buildings. She just kept running. She had only one coherent thought. Lee, she had to find Lee! She skidded to a halt outside of his door and threw it open without hesitation. It was empty. There was no sign of him. She closed the door and sat down on his bed determined to wait, not really knowing where else to go or who else to go to. She sat there all night, pain washing over her in waves, but Lee never came.

She returned to her room the next morning and gathered her things to shower. It was automated, mindless. Kara was trapped in her own head. Her mother had been right after all. She was nothing but an abomination. She brought pain and death to anyone she ever loved. It was her fault Zak was dead, as sure as if she had held a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. He shouldn't have been in that cockpit. She passed him, she killed him. The thought resonated to her very core. My Gods, what have I done? Kara slipped down the wall of the shower and sat there on the cold floor, holding her knees and rocking back and forth with the water beating down on her as the guilt and grief finally overwhelmed her. She sobbed as the tears finally came. Heart wrenching gasps escaped her as all of the hope; all of the joy, and all of the love bled out of her and was replaced by darkness. She sat that way for a long time, holding herself until she couldn't cry anymore, until she couldn't feel anymore.

Kara went through the motions of life the next couple of days, but was dead inside. She reported to work because she didn't know what else to do. She didn't want to be near anyone but she couldn't stand to be alone either. Lee never appeared. She overheard someone mention that he had left soon after the accident to tell his mother what had happened in person. He didn't want her to have to get that phone call. He believed it should come from her son. Kara was glad in a way. She didn't know what to say to him anyway. It was her fault Zak was dead. If he ever knew that, he would hate her forever.

Kara was hovering over a group of technicians working on the crash investigation when she felt as much as saw him approach. She braced herself for the worst.

"Are you Lieutenant Thrace?" An impressive looking man with Zak's face and Lee's eyes came to stand in front of her. She drew to attention and saluted. His presence alone simply seemed to demand it. He returned the salute. "I'm Commander Adama, Zak's father."

"I know, Sir. I'm sorry Sir. I was planning on coming to see you tomorrow before the funeral."

"You don't need to explain anything," he dismissed. "Lieutenant Thrace, would you take a walk with me?"

"Of course, Sir." Kara moved to his side as they began to stroll away from the hangers. They walked a few moments in silence as Kara studied the ground in front of her and he studied Kara.

"Zak spoke very highly of you, Lieutenant Thrace," Commander Adama began with a sad smile. "He told me that you were an amazing instructor, that he was involved with you and that it was serious. He asked me to come to his graduation from flight school and watch him get his wings.

"I know, I read the letter."

"I see." Commander Adama stopped and turned to her, studying her intently. "Well then maybe you can tell me what he was hinting at. A surprise, about you."

"We were going to, ah…you know what, it's not important," she couldn't do it; her voice was beginning to tremble as she tried to continue. "I don't want that to ah…"

"You were engaged. Right?" he interrupted, kindly. Kara swallowed the lump in her throat as she fought the threatening tears. All she could do was shake her head in acknowledgement.

"I thought as much." Commander Adama turned and began to walk again, giving her time to regain her composure.

"I spoke with Colonel Billings about you Lieutenant. He says you are one of the best damn Viper pilots he has ever seen and a good instructor. According to him, you blew Lee away when the two of you were at the Academy together. He also says that you are impulsive, hotheaded, and a real pain in the ass." Kara winced at that. "Kind of reminds me of another Viper pilot I knew once upon a time," he said with a reminiscent smile. "Zak was always so much like his Mother. It is no wonder that he fell in love with you."

"Zak was a fine man, Commander. I was lucky to have his love. I don't know how I could…" The words died as Kara was forced to turn away.

"It's alright Lieutenant. You don't have to say anything, I understand. It's hard right now, for both of us. I wish I could say that it was going to be alright, but I would be lying. It isn't going to be alright, not for a long time. But speaking as one soldier to another, I know we will do our duty, to the colonies and to Zak. We will fight on and we will survive. That's what people like you and I do, it's all we know. We fight."

"Yes Sir," Kara said quietly.

"I have to go finish making the arrangements for tomorrow," he said, sadness visibly settling on his shoulders. "If you need anything Lieutenant, please do not hesitate to contact me. I am staying at the VIP quarters at the Academy. My door is always open to you."

"Thank you, Sir," she said with a final salute. Kara stood there for a long time as she watched the Commander walk away and disappear out of site. What was it about Adama men? Was she destined to be drawn to them in some way? She had found a friend in Lee, a lover in Zak, and in this man that should have been her father; she surprisingly found the comfort of a kindred spirit.

The funeral was torture. Kara stood next to the Commander, staring across Zak's casket at his picture as the priest's words washed over her.

"…The burdens of this life are with us but a short time. For Lieutenant Zak Adama, son of William and Caroline Adama, brother of Lee, the time was too short. But we take comfort in knowing that his life was willingly given in service to all of us and we honor him for that…"

She saw Lee standing across from her, comforting his mother, still elegant even in her grief. He never looked up at Kara or his father. He appeared to be lost in his own memories and burdened with his own anguish. He released his mother only long enough to place Zak's wings on the top of the casket and pause to say his final goodbye. It broke Kara's heart, leaving her breathless.

"…And so we commit his body to the ground from which we were all made, secure in the knowledge that we will be reunited with him in a better world to come."

Kara was trembling, fighting with every fiber of her being to hold herself together, to keep control. Zak deserved that much. But she was slipping, beginning to loose her grip as she stared across at Zak's handsome face. She watched as his mother was presented with the flag that had draped his coffin and saw her hold it, as she could no longer hold her son. In that moment of loneliness and despair, as his coffin began to descend to its final resting place, Kara realized the full weight of her loss and it engulfed her. Just as she was about to go under, she felt a strong hand reach out and hold her firm. Commander Adama took her hand, resolutely, gripping it tightly. In that touch, letting her know that she was not alone. It was just enough.

"…So say we all."

They came to attention and saluted Zak Adama a final time as the guns in the distance signaled their farewell. Zak was gone and she was to blame.

Kara stood there for a long time, not really knowing where to go or what to do. The crowd slowly dissipated and the family dutifully accepted the mourner's condolences until they were the only ones remaining. Lee glanced at Kara and nodded sadly, acknowledging her presence for the first time, and then steered his mother towards the waiting transport.

"Lee, wait." He stopped at the sound of his father's voice, but did not turn to look at him. "Son, please, we need to talk."

At this Lee turned on his father. Kara had never seen such anger and hatred on his face in all the time she had know him. Years of insecurity and resentment combined with his grief and erupted as he poured out his pain onto his father. Lee shouted all the reasons that it was his father's fault that Zak was now laying in the ground. She felt helpless as she watched the family she was meant to join fall apart. His anger spent, Lee retreated to the transport and pulled away. Kara slowly approached the Commander who stood there stoically watching what was left of his family leave without him. She did the only thing she could think of, returned the comfort he had given her. She reached out and took his hand. The two of them waited until the transport was out of view and then slowly began to make their way back to the Academy in silence.

**Chapter Ten: Hello and Goodbye**

Kara lay in her bed late that evening, staring at the wedding ring she had bought Zak. She slipped it on her thumb and pulled herself off the bed to answer the insistent knock on her door. She was not surprised to see Lee standing there. He could hardly look at her; his eyes were red and swollen.

"I just wanted to say good bye," he said softly. "I finished cleaning out Zak's room. I have a few of his things here that I thought you might want to keep." Lee handed her a small box of possessions that were all too familiar.

"Thanks," she choked out. What could she say? Can you sum up one person's life with a box of memories? Is that all that was really left?

They stood there awkwardly for a moment before Kara stepped back from the door. "Come in?" It was more of a question than an invitation. Lee hesitated a moment before nodding his head and moving forward, allowing her to shut the door behind him. She offered him a chair while taking a seat on her bed, across from him. He looked as bad as she felt. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning, early. I'm taking Mom home, back to Caprica. They have given me a week's leave to get myself together. I've declined returning to the Academy to complete the course. Instead, I'm going to return to the 'Atlantia' to resume my duties there."

"I see."

"I don't know when I may get a chance to see you again. But I just want you to know…" At this his voice broke and tears began to swim in his eyes again. "I just want you to know how much Zak loved you, and how…how important you have always been, to both of us. I tried to find you when I heard the news. I waited for you as long as I could before leaving for Caprica. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I'm sorry I had to leave you alone." The emotion was radiating off of him, making it difficult for her to breathe.

"Lee, I don't know what to do. This is all my fault!"

"Zak's death lies solely at the feet of my father, no one else," he said with such force that Kara jumped. "I'm sorry."

Kara looked at her hands that were trembling slightly in her lap. Lee reached forward and placed his hands on top to still the movement. "I'm sorry," he repeated softly as he slowly moved to sit next to her on the bed and put his arm around her. They sat together, not moving, not saying a word.

Gradually the exhaustion and emotion of the past few days crept up on her and Kara fell asleep. It was early morning when she woke to find her head resting in Lee's lap. He was gently stroking her hair, watching her tenderly, his face lined with sorrow.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey." Kara looked at him, disoriented by their position and the feelings that it evoked. "How long was I out?"

"About four hours."

"Were you up all night?"

"Yeah I couldn't sleep, so I thought the least I could do was make sure you did."

Kara sat up, a little self conscious that he had watched her for so long. Lee just gave her a little smile, as if he knew what she was thinking.

"I have to go. Our flight leaves in just over an hour."

"Yeah, you don't want to be late," she answered lamely. Kara was anxious and conflicted about his departure. She wanted to scream at him not to go. Tell him that he couldn't leave her, not now, not like this. She needed him. She couldn't loose him too. Not so soon. But she didn't say any of it, not a single word, as she dutifully stood and walked him to the door.

"Kara, if you need..."

"Don't. Just don't. I'll be fine. You know me; I'm nothing if not a fighter. Just go...okay?" Her resolve was beginning to disintegrate and her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

Lee just gave her a sad half smile and reached out to brush her cheek with his hand. "See you around Starbuck."

"See you Apollo." Kara couldn't watch him walk away. She quickly closed the door and sank down against it, her loss now complete.

Kara didn't leave her room for two days. When she finally got herself together enough to go to her office, she found transfer orders waiting on the desk. She was going back to Vipers; she was going to the 'Galactica'.

It never occurred to Kara to ask the Commander how many strings he had to pull to get her transferred to his ship so quickly. She was just grateful to be away from all of the memories at the Academy, the good and the bad. She hoped to never see that place again. It felt good to be back in a Viper, doing what she was born to do. It helped her during those early days to get up in the morning. It gave her a purpose. Having her around seemed to help the Commander as well. She would see him every morning when she went for her run. The dialogue was always the same.

"Morning Starbuck. What do you hear?"

She would smile as she gave the expected answer. "Nothing but the rain."

"Then grab your gun and bring in the cat," he would recite the old Viper pilot saying.

"Boom, boom, boom."

It became a ritual for the two of them, to the point that if she didn't see him, she would do an extra lap in the hopes of bumping into him. Commander Adama also developed the habit of inviting her to dinner about once a week in his cabin. If he had not been so well respected that his character was above reproach, people might have talked. But as it was, no one said a thing about the affinity the Commander seemed to have for his newest pilot. At least not as far as Kara knew. They talked about all sorts of things; religion, politics, current affairs, flying, life on 'Galactica'. As time went on, they got into the stories of their respective pasts. He was a patient listener and Kara found she could tell him things that she had never told anyone before. It was cathartic in its own way.

Commander Adama had an open door policy with her that she chose not to abuse. But on those difficult days, when the walls started to close in on her or a significant anniversary came around, she would show up and they would have a drink and talk about Zak. By the time her first year on the 'Galactica' had passed, she realized that she had come to love and respect him in much the same way she could imagine loving a father.

Life goes on, for better or worse, and on the whole life on the 'Galactica' was good. The Commander was excellent of course, even if the XO was a drunken asshole that seemed to have it in for her. The CAG was fair and a good card player. The other pilots accepted her with relative ease, in spite of her tough exterior and propensity for fighting. She went back to her old life style; gambling, drinking, and flying-though not necessarily in that order. Men would frequently pay attention to her. Sometimes she would entertain herself with one, most of the time she wouldn't. But, apart from Commander Adama, she never let anyone get too close. She figured if she stayed away it would be better for her and for them.

Two years passed and preparations were underway to retire the 'Galactica' and turn it into a museum. Commander Adama confirmed over dinner that he would also be retiring when they put the 'old girl' to bed. Kara tried to talk him out of it, convince him that a true soldier couldn't fade into the sunset; he had to go down fighting. But he was having none of it. He did pass on the news that he had arranged to have Lee come for the decommissioning ceremony, under orders. They rarely spoke about Lee, unless it was Kara recounting some way or other they had gotten themselves into trouble at the Academy. She knew that he still felt the angry words that were spoken at the funeral and that they haunted him. She hoped that this would be an opportunity for the two of them to patch things up. He needed to forgive the old man. In that forgiveness, the Commander could find peace and Lee could finally find the strength to move on with his own life.

It had been a long time since she had spoken to Lee. It just seemed awkward on the phone and letters were difficult to write. But Kara would be lying if she didn't admit that for the first time in quite awhile she was actually excited about something. She had missed her friend, more than she would ever let him know. It would do her good to see him again. Only Colonel Tigh, the XO, could manage to get under her skin and piss her off enough to make her punch him and get thrown in the brig right before he was due to arrive. It was fitting that the next phase of their friendship should begin as it had so many years ago, him looking down at her through the bars of a cell. "This looks familiar," he said, trying to hide his amusement. Life does enjoy its ironies.

**Chapter Eleven: Back to the Fight**

So here they were, celebrating their first real victory since the war began. The survivors had been through so much in such a short time, it felt more like years instead of just over a month. Everything had changed. The world had ended, the colonies were gone, and billions were dead. Frack, Kara had thought Lee was dead for a few gut wrenching hours, only for him to turn up out of nowhere while she was working under a Viper, covered in grease. She had never been so glad to see anyone in her life. She finally worked up the nerve to confess the truth about Zak's death in time for Lee to nearly get himself killed again; forcing her to pull off the most insane, fraked up stunt ever just to get his ass back to the ship alive. Since then they had gone for days without sleep, lost many of their fellow pilots and crew, fought the Cylons repeatedly, struggled for water and food, faced a hostage situation and a suicide bomber, found out Cylons could now look human, and had just attacked a Cylon base for much needed fuel. Kara had also survived a crash on a moon and managed to rig a downed Cylon raider to escape, interrogated a human form Cylon that got flushed out of an air lock, and was in the process of rehabbing her fraked up knee…again.

With everything she had been through in life, it was strange to think that if anything had been different, she would be dead now along with all of the others. It was a sobering thought as she watched everyone celebrating around her. There were less than fifty thousand of them left and in the new world order, she was somehow one of the lucky ones. Both of the people that she valued most were here, alive and well on the 'Galactica'. She was no fool; she knew any of them could die tomorrow. But for this moment, she was just enjoying watching her best friend get some much deserved recognition. Gods he looked good.

Lee caught her eye as she looked on from the sidelines and excused himself from the crowd to come and join her. "So Starbuck, if you're done staring, how about we go join the party?" 

"I'm not staring... besides, wouldn't you like to invite a few of your admirers along to help you celebrate."

Lee glanced over at the women that were still lingering in the crowd, pretending not to watch the interaction between the two friends. Lee just smiled over at them and turned to Kara, steering her in the direction of the rec room, where most people were planning to congregate. "I don't know what you're talking about. All I know is that I'm wired!"

"It's called adrenaline Apollo. It tends to go along with being a crazy ass son of a bitch," she smiled knowingly. "Better watch it, next thing you know you'll be picking fights and acting insubordinate to your superior officers. There's only room for one irreverent asshole on this ship and I'm it. So don't get too comfortable with the feeling or expect me to become responsible all of a sudden." 

Lee laughed, "So, since you seem to be such an expert, how do you come down from a high like this? I feel like I could take on a Cylon in hand to hand combat and win."

"There are lots of different ways to use up that extra energy. Drinking is always popular, but not especially effective. Fighting helps too, but tends to get you thrown in the brig. But, the absolute best way to come down after a stunt like that tends to take a little company," Kara smiled suggestively. "I'm sure you could find a volunteer...or two."

Lee stopped suddenly and turned to her, stepping close, leaving little space between them. "Are you volunteering, Starbuck?"

Kara automatically took a step back into the wall, caught off guard. Her heart skipped a little, both at the words and his proximity. But there was no way she was going to let him know that he had an effect on her. Better to fight fire with fire. So she stepped up, leaving no room between them bringing her mouth close to his ear to whisper seductively. "Sure Apollo. But I have to warn you, I can get a little rough."

They stared at each other for a moment, neither one willing to blink and loose the battle of wills. Kara could feel the warmth radiating off of him as she breathed in the faint scent of sweat. Her heart rate increased and she found herself leaning into him. Lee's face became flushed as her body continued to press against his, her mouth just inches away. He tried to cover his condition with a bit of bravado as he finally gave in and stepped back.

"Sounds like fun, Starbuck. But I think I'll take that drink first." He gave her an uncharacteristic wink and turned to continue in the direction of the rec room.

The party was in full swing by the time they arrived. Music was blaring and the alcohol was flowing. People were laughing and dancing around the room in a state of controlled chaos. The new heroes recited the battle's movements in a blow by blow replay. Lee never had an empty glass the whole night, the pilots and crew made sure of that. Some couples seemed to make the most of the relaxed atmosphere, using dark corners to celebrate in a different kind of way. It was when Lee started slurring his words in the tenth retelling of his tale that Kara decided he had had enough.

"Yeah, yeah guys. Tell someone who cares." Kara answered the disgruntled crowd as she put Lee's arm over her shoulder and began to lead him back to the officer's quarters. "It's time for the hero to go sleep this off. But by all means carry on!" She had not really had that much herself, just enough to feel a bit of a buzz. But it was still difficult to help Lee negotiate the hallway, supporting him and dealing with her bum leg.

"Where are we going Starbuck? I wasn't finished drinking."

"You can have a nightcap once you get to bed, if you're still conscious by then."

"It was fun being you tonight. I should try it more often. It made me feel...free."

"Don't get carried away now Apollo. If you pull that stick out of your ass too quick you could do some internal damage."

"Funny, real funny."

Kara smiled, "I thought so!" They reached their room and Kara propped Lee against the table near their bunks. "Here, sit." She untucked his bed and pulled a pair of shorts from his locker and threw them at him. "All right you, strip."

"Is that an order Starbuck? Because if it is, I will be only too happy to comply." Lee sat there looking at her with heat in his eyes and a provocative smile.

"Cool down fly boy. You're hyped on adrenaline and alcohol. You'll only regret anything you say or do in the morning. Now strip down so you can go to bed, unless you want to sleep in that flight suit, which I don't recommend. Trust me, I speak from experience."

"Aren't you going to help me?" He said, still being playfully alluring.

Kara was glad no one was there to hear their drunken banter. Their roommates were either still at the party or had found alternative sleeping arrangements for the evening.

"I don't think you would want my help. I tend to use a knife and you never know when my hand might slip."

"Dangerous, I like it." Kara turned around as he started to undo the bottom of his flight suit, without assistance. One of the unspoken rules in coed quarters was that you don't look. She began to remove her own jacket and slip off her trousers preparing for bed when she realized that it was too quiet. She looked over her shoulder and saw Lee sitting on the table, watching her intently.

"So, is that offer still good?"

"Are you sure you need a nightcap Apollo? You may be feeling no pain now, but you're going to be hurting tomorrow."

"That's not the offer I was talking about."

It took a minute for her to make the connection. She raised an eyebrow and gave him a withering look. "I don't think you could handle me sober, much less drunk. So why don't you cut your losses and jump in your rack."

"You know what I think?" His voice was deep and flirtatious. "I think you're all talk. I don't think you could handle me. Haven't you ever heard the old saying? It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. I think I would be more than you could ever expect."

Kara rolled her eyes in response and continued to change for bed. She walked over to dim the overhead lights and tried hard not to notice that Lee had his shirt off. On the way back to bed she tried even harder not to notice exactly how good he looked without it. She climbed into her rack and turned on her side to face the wall. "Night Apollo. Try not to fall out of your rack and wake me up tonight. Okay?" She laid there staring at the wall, listening intently for any movement coming from her friend. There was only silence. If she were honest with herself, she wanted nothing more than to turn around and continue the unusual conversation and see where it might lead. But that was just asking for trouble and she knew it. Lee was drunk and wired from their victory, so was she for that matter. That was all there was to it. Otherwise, he would never be so forward and she would never be so tempted to play with fire.

Kara heard Lee finally stand up from the table and approach his rack. But he didn't climb up the ladder to the top bunk; he sat down on hers instead.

"What's the matter? Are you lost?"

"Starbuck, I can't sleep. Keep me company?"

Well here was a perfect excuse if there ever was one. "Oh all right, if you insist." Kara rolled to her other side to see Lee sitting there, looking down at her, enticingly. "What do you want to talk about? Or would you prefer a bedtime story."

"First of all budge up." Lee nudged her over and, much to her surprise, crawled under the covers and lay down next to her on the narrow bunk. "That's better!" He stretched out on the bed with a smile and pulled the curtain closed behind him. He shifted onto his side to face her, his head resting on her pillow. It was painfully obvious that he still wasn't wearing a shirt. "So what kind of bedtime stories do you know?"

"Well, I know this great one where a drunken CAG gets his ass kicked by a fair maiden carrying a pistol." Kara flashed a sarcastic smile and felt his warm leg brush up against hers as he moved closer. She couldn't help but adjust her leg ever so slightly in order to maintain the contact. "Or there is the one about a great Viper pilot and an uptight CAG…oh no, wait, the CAG gets his ass kicked in that one too. I'm afraid I don't know too many bedtime stories. Maybe you'll have to tell me one instead."

"There are many things I would like to do to you, Lieutenant Thrace, but tell you a bedtime story is not one of them," he said with a wicked grin.

She wasn't sure how to take that, so to be safe, she let the subject drop. They lay there studying each other in the semi darkness. The quiet settled in around them creating a surreal sense of intimacy. Kara was becoming disoriented staring into his amazing eyes at such close proximity and had to work hard to keep her breathing steady. She had an unusual fluttering somewhere in the region of her stomach that she couldn't quite identify and an intense pang of longing. It unsettled her in a way that fighting the Cylons never did.

"Do you remember the first time we met? There at the Academy Hospital." 

Kara's eyes widened in surprise. "Yeah, in fact I was just thinking about that tonight."

I knew the first moment I saw you that you were unlike anyone I had ever met before. I never knew someone could shout that many curse words without drawing breath. In fact, I had never heard many of those words until I met you… and I grew up around military kids." 

"Ah, the benefits of an under privileged childhood."

"I thought you were going to take that doctor's head off with your crutch. It took everything I had in me not to laugh. Then you started ordering me around, not that I minded."

"Yeah, those were the days. Now you try to give the orders. Silly boy, haven't you realized after all these years that it's just not worth the effort?"

"Oh, I'll break you yet."

"I would like to see you try."

"Don't tempt me."

Silence settled in again as they both seemed to need a moment to regain some composure after the slightly arousing repartee. Kara closed her eyes. Lee stirred again and she felt his hand come to rest just next to hers under the covers, their fingertips barely touching. Kara's entire being became focused on that imperceptible contact, warmth spreading throughout her body, as every movement he made became magnified. She felt one of his fingers slowly lift to delicately touch her own. Her breath caught, she hesitated a moment, struggling with indecision before allowing her finger to respond to the caress and increase the contact. Their fingers slowly came together to intertwine as she carefully opened her eyes to find him looking at her closely.

"So..." Lee broke the awkward silence. "Do you remember our last night at the Academy, after graduation, when we stayed up all night?" 

"More or less. We did consume vast amounts of Ambrosia that evening." 

"Do you remember what I told you?"

Kara raised a questioning eyebrow. "You said a lot of things that night."

"I told you that I knew we were going to be together again one day, that I could feel it. That when we were in need, the Gods would bring us back together in order to survive. The great 'Starbuck and Apollo'. It just seems right somehow that here we are, at the end of all things, and we're together. As long as we have each other, I know we will make it through all of this. I couldn't face life in this new reality without you Kara. When I thought you were dead on that moon and we were about to leave, I felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind and that if we jumped and that connection with you was severed, that I would die with you. The happiest moment in my life was when I realized it was you in that raider, that you were alive."

"You should know that you can't get rid of me that easily."

He smiled at her and pulled her hand to rest against his chest, but it was obvious that the alcohol was taking effect. Sleep was coming fast. His voice was fading as his eyes drifted shut. "Just promise me one thing Kara."

"What's that Lee?"

"That we'll always be together. That we won't ever give up on each other, no matter what."

Kara didn't answer right away and Lee forced his eyes back open. "Promise me."

"Okay, okay...I promise," she whispered

"Good." Lee relaxed and his eyes closed for the last time as he slipped into a deep sleep.

Kara lay there a long time watching him, enjoying the rare opportunity to see him in such an unguarded state, enjoying the feel of her hand clasped in his, pressed against his chest. She tentatively reached forward and traced his lips with her fingertips.

"Oh Gods," she thought. "I'm in so much trouble. Why would you do this to me? I can't have feelings for this man. It's Lee! He's my best friend, the brother of my fiancé-whose death I still feel responsible for. He's my superior officer and the son of the man I look up to like a father. Which would make Lee my brother in a twisted sort of way. I can't fall in love with him! Life is complicated enough these days without something like this to frak it up! But Gods he is amazing. I could really get use to being this close to him. Maybe one day...until then we both have responsibilities and we will do our duty. I can't give in to this, not now."

With that thought Kara released his hand and slipped out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping man and made her way to his empty bunk above. There were enough rumors floating around about the two of them without them being found in bed together, even if nothing did happen. She settled in and closed her eyes, inviting sleep to come. Her last thought as she left consciousness was in the form of a prayer. "Please Gods, he means a lot to me, don't let me screw this up." 

Kara had no idea if Lee remembered any of what happened that night. She didn't ask and he didn't say. Life went on between them as it always had. One day they would find Earth and the struggle to survive would be over. If the Gods were kind, they would both still be alive to see it. Maybe things would be different then. In the meantime, it should at least be an interesting ride.

**The End**


End file.
